Living Outside the Bubble in 2012

This year has been one of discovery; discovery on so many different levels, but mostly within myself.  Every year I thank God for the abundant blessings in my life.  I have an awesome husband who loves every ounce of me (the good, bad, annoying, etc.).  I have three phenomenal kids that far exceed any dreams I had of what and who they would be.  I have a beautiful house that we have truly made a home.  I have a job that has turned into a career that I love getting up to go to every day.  However, for those that are closest to me, a reoccurring theme always enter our conversations…I’ve been searching and yearning for something that continues to leave me feeling like something is missing.  What I discovered in 2011 is the something that was missing is me…

Some of you by now might be saying, “boy she is selfish…It appears that she has it all and she is still not satisfied”, and on some levels that is correct.  But others that are reading this understand exactly where I am coming from.  For a good portion of my life I’ve concentrated on being the best wife, best mother, best daughter, best sister, best niece, best aunt, best friend, etc. that I can be.  I’ve followed all the “rules”.  Though all of these roles and relationships give me great joy, somewhere along the way I lost myself and forgot that I also need to take care of me.   I’ve placed these high expectations for myself and others and created a bubble in which I lived my safe pretty life.  This year however, I discovered that people are human and having unrealistic standards ultimately leave you feeling let down and empty.  They let you down when others don’t live by the same standards as you, and they leave you feeling like a failure if you don’t meet those standards for yourself.  I am not saying that you should live your life without standards.  However, my light bulb moment this year happened when I realized that the bubble I created, though real on so many levels, was an image that I created so that I would not have to deal with the dangers that might be lurking outside of the bubble.  That is a safe place, but is it fulfilling?  Though discovering the answer to that question was a painful journey, I realized the answer is no.  That was mind boggling for me, because in my bubble I didn’t allow myself to even consider the question.  For most of my life I’ve been committed to trying to meet every expectation I could think of for everyone else and myself.  It is in my soul to be there for others, and take care of others, but what I decided this year is that I am allowing myself a percentage of life (my life) to discover me again.   I think that being in my 40’s has also helped me to realize that life is short, and living in a bubble, though safe, is not really living.  What I am finding is that everyone in my bubble is enjoying life and "me" more now that it has popped.

So what does this mean???  I really don’t know the answer to that question.  The answers evolves each day.  I know that I’ve allowed myself to feel prettier, sexier, more confident and powerful.  I’ve even bought some things just for me (without picking up anything for anyone else).  When I workout I feel strong and I’ve even noticed that others are feeling the energy that is coming from within me.  My writing is evolving and opportunities are opening up.  My job has given me the opportunity to travel more, and I am allowing myself to see more of the world through different lenses.  Stay tuned for more...

I’ve lived most of my life in black and white, but I’ve learned in 2011 that there are many shades of gray that sometimes are just unexplainable.  They say that 2012 may be the end of the world.  Whether this is true or not, shouldn’t we live each day as if it is the last?  In 2012, find what is missing, find your joy, and live outside the bubble…just a little ;-)!