Choices...

This piece is close to my heart and before publishing I shared it with 10 of my trusted friends/family.  Because of their insight and input, this piece really became a collaborative effort...I thank them for diving in and sharing their vulnerability with me and now you...Enjoy!

The choices we make direct our lives, and as we grow and change, the choices we make not only affect who we are, but they affect those that are the closest in our lives.  The choices, needs, and desires you had in your 20’s are based on the needs you had at that time.  As you live, grow, and experience life, your needs change and sometimes the choices you made may not match the person you are now.  Is it not feasible to think that a choice you made 20+ years ago would remain the only viable choice several decades later?  When you give yourself permission to acknowledge that shift in the universe, everything you viewed as sacred becomes blurry and your world can feel likes it’s inside out.  How to manage that shift in a way that that keeps your spirit at peace is especially challenging.

When you allow yourself to explore your life honestly, sometimes the truth that is revealed is terrifying.  No matter how terrifying the prospect of change can be, it is simply an opportunity to be more fulfilled.  It is easier to blame everyone else in your life for your choices and where you are, but when you peel back the layers, and look honestly at yourself, the only person you can hold responsible for how your life turns out is YOU.  For example, you might say if he/she would just be more this, or more that, then I could be happy, but that is so unfair to him/her.  What you are saying is I would be happy if he/she was different.  You can’t expect someone to change so you can be happy.  That is almost impossible and causes pain and uncertainty.  On the other hand, allowing your needs or desires to be ignored so that someone else can be whole will leave you feeling invisible and lonely.  I am a firm believer that your happiness has to come from within your own heart and soul.  So then what…

I really don’t know…I wish I did.  Sometimes awareness can also be stifling, because though you can understand exactly where you are and why you are there, you still have a responsibility to the choices that you made that brought you to that place.  The road you chose may have had bumps and road blocks along the way, and now that same road might be leading you in a different direction.  How do you navigate through unchartered territory?  How do you find your way without a road map, or without guarantee of safe travel to your destination (peace and fulfillment) with minimal collateral damage?  What I do know is that we get one life…I don’t know the answers to the tough questions, but I am desperately and honestly seeking my truth, my peace, and my happiness.