Tuesday, November 17, 2009

A Writer's Worth...

As most of you know...I turned 40 six months ago, and my gosh, time is flying. The road to 40 was not easy. It seems the closer I got to the big day, the more unsettled my spirit became. The reality that life was passing me by, empowered me to make some much needed changes in my relationships, my authenticity, and my life in totality. I decided to focus on being the best me I could be. This was big, because for much of my life, I focussed on what would be best for others, and how I could help to make their lives better...even at my own emotional expense. I decided that a better me would be beneficial to everyone in my life. I had no idea where this would lead me, but as I made some pivotal changes, a new world and life has opened up for me. The relationships that sustained the changes, are stronger, others are healing, but through it all I gained a greater confidence of who I am, and what I have to offer this world...more specifically my world.

The saying "Youth is wasted on the Young" has profound meaning to me at this juncture in my life. If I had an ounce of the wisdom, the confidence, or the ambition that I have now when I was in high school, college, or even my early 20's, my God, I wonder where life would have taken me. At forty, I look at life, people, and relationships for what they are...imperfect just like me. Prior to turning forty I expected perfection from myself, from others, but I've now realized that "perfection" does not exist...It is the imperfection in all of us that makes us who we are. It is what connects us to each other's journey. I am learning to stop looking to others for validation, but to have faith in myslef and my talents, which was a recent lightbulb moment for me. So many times I've looked to others to tell me that I am "good", "talented", or "gifted", but it is not until I truly believe this for myself, that I will be able to shatter the walls that I have created to prevent me from wanting and achieving more than I ever dreamed. Recently, I wrote a piece about someone very close to my heart and shared it with a few people. I know it is a good piece, but I wanted other's to tell me it was good, in order for me to gain the confidence to seek publishing. My sister, the subject of the piece, said to me, "you are an amazing writer, why do you continue to seek validation from others". My response was, "I know, I just wanted some constructive feedback", but if I am truly honest with myself...she was absolutely right. I wanted someone else to think it was worthy. Just like I often looked to others to make me feel worthy. It is at this point that I decided that I need to look within for that validation. I am definitely a novice in the writing world, but I need to first believe that I have something special to share, before anyone elso will be able to recognize my greatness...I am on my way...

My passion is to write and touch people with my words. To let the world know that it is ok to feel insecure at times, ugly, unworthy, and even lost, but that facing our fears and going through the journey is part of getting to our destination. I want to share my peaks and valleys, and I want to hear about others. I want to be a force that helps us all explore some of the obstacles that have stifled us for years. In our youth, we were not supposed to have the insight that we have in our 40+ years...It is the lessons we've learned that are to carry us to new levels of communication, love, success, and fullfillment. These are the lessons I want to share through my writing. In 2010 I am excited and expecting great things to happen as I become a writing force that fuels my soul and touches others. If you are reading this, I am humbled and hope you join me on this rollercoaster ride...and ask yourself...what is my passion? What is holding me back from pursuing and discovering my dreams? I bet the biggest obstacle standing in your way is "you". Join me as I fight against myself to discover what my purpose is, and share with me the steps you are taking to fulfill your deepest desires...I am looking forward to sharing and growing together...Please follow me via this blog to stay tuned on whats to come for me and share your journey in the process...


  1. No validation needed :), just a celebration of who YOU are as a person, a writer, and a dear friend. Your soul speaks in these lines. Confidence, self-discovery,and personal power jump off the page. Your lessons in life will be, and are, your testimony. The written word is your vehicle. Thank you for sharing your reflections with us.

    Love and Blessings to you as you embark upon this stage of the journey!

  2. NW, your presence in my life, my journey is a Godsend...Thank you!

  3. i always knew you had greatness inside of you...let yr words flow from the heart an you'll be fine. reg mil

  4. Thanks RM...I always knew you had greatness inside of you too...isn't it something we you can believe it for yourself...truly amazing!

  5. Okay my dear Alicia, first let me say to listen to your sister, you are a wonderful writer and I do enjoy reading your words. I find so much intelligence, wisdom and love in your writings and I feel so proud of who and all you are. I love your spirit. It inspires me to dig deep into my soul for yet a better understanding or perhaps a finer clarity of my own life’s journey. I have always been “deep” and find that as I age I too have become unsettled in my life and fee there is another path awaiting me. I am not a very religious person but I am certainly spiritual and more so with age. I believe that God may have something special in mind for me too. I have always been a creative type, in many forms, and can tell you that my true enjoyment is always inspired by the arts. I love to paint, decorate, draw, crochet, write, cook, bake and organize. I love to create! These are the things that bring to me the greatest happiness. I also like to sing but seriously can’t carry a tune! Ask any of my family.

    As I contemplate the next steps of my life’s journey I hope to incorporate some or all of these arts into my everyday life. Not sure where this will lead me. I do know that as 53 approaches, yes 53, I am ready to embark upon yet another path of this journey called life. I am having surgery before the year is out and my goal is to be healing in the early part of 2010 and to use my down time to find what inspires me and to pursue this new inspiration. I have sacrificed (lovingly I add)so much of myself to be the best to and for everyone around me for so much time. But now it is once again my time, I hope, to regain my identity while at the same time remaining the loving wife, mother, sister, cousin and friend to all those who surround and support me. I have already learned to easily say no when saying yes compromises my life in any way.
    At 53 I am learning so much more about life. I am becoming kinder, more forgiving and certainly more compassionate. I am learning how little I knew as a teen and young adult and I know that it is only through living life that this becomes clear. I am learning that all of these changes are easy when they apply to someone else but when they are about me, I am still having difficulties accomplishing all of the above. I am learning to ask questions of my elders because their time here may be limited and they have so much wisdom to leave us. I am learning to appreciate each day and try not to worry too much about the past but contemplate the future. I was once told that relationships can’t always be what you want them to be, they are what they are and we must learn to accept them as that. I am trying to find peace with this.
    Years ago I read a quote (don’t know the author but I have cherished these words) “Your life is God’s gift to you, how you live it is your gift to HIM”. Such profound words!! It is this statement that I try to base my daily living upon.

    So for now my young, beautiful writer, I close and hope that I haven’t garbled these pages but rather shared an inner piece of my soul. I hope you continue on this quest. You are so articulate with your words. I admire that and look forward to reading more.

    All my love…Sue

  6. Alicia, another awesome piece and again I thank you for your sharing as it allows me another opportunity to appraise my journey and progress for a moment. I do agree with you that most times we are truly the obstacles that get in our own way. I have discovered that I was indeed an obstacle in my own way.

    One step for me was to "slim down" so I could see my way clear enough to move out of my way. I don't mean "slim down" in the physical sense (although I'm on that journey too :-), I mean the mental clutter of "why me" "when will I" "if only" I've begun to face these "clutter" questions/statement by answering "why not" "now", and "today" this has taken me from the lingering and sometimes comfortable position of stuck into a more action, a little unknown yet excited to be moving direction and it is so much more fun to be “moving”. Other emotion clutters for me were anger, disappointment, guilt, etc, I now know it is okay to feel these emotions towards others and even yourself but the idea is to feel it, acknowledge it, understand it(sometimes we do sometime not and that’s okay too) and then MOVE on. Not always easy but I get it!

    Now to the question of “what is your passion” for now “LIFE”….” I know that is a 50 thousand foot view, but first things first, I’m zoning in on the specifics and will get back to ya….. Yes at 50 its okay to be a work in progress, am I where I want to be...No way...but I am enjoying the journey, I will get there…